The Costly Divide between Gratitude and SPAM

Checking my personal Facebook account as I was helping my wife prepare for our Thanksgiving feast, I marveled at how many of my “friends” (most whom I’ve never met) had posted a ‘Happy Thanksgiving’ message intended for anyone who might happen upon it. Same thing was happening on Twitter, LinkedIn, and dozens of other social media sites. Instead of making me feel warm and tingly inside, I was agitated. I began to wonder… Is this how impersonal, and even, how self-involved we’ve become in the digital age?Is there anyone who honestly believes that these kinds of messages carry the slightest degree of meaning whatsoever?  Is there any human being who’s ever read a mass Happy Thanksgiving/Easter/4^th of July, etc. message and felt even the slightest bit honored, special, or important to the sender? The answers were obvious, and unsettling.  Yes, No, and, of course not. Revealingly, these kinds of electronic messages sent en masse have little to do with the recipient, and everything to do with the sender.  The reality is that the sender, motivated by a selfish desire to be noticed, leverages minimal thought and effort to scream “Happy ____________” as loud as they can hoping that a large pool of others are paying attention and, in turn, will think upon the sender favorably. It misses that objective by a mile.

Electronic mass messages equate to nothing more than spam; effortless, meaningless clutter.  They are about as effective as if you opened your front door on December 25^th and shouted “Merry Christmas, everybody!” at the top of your lungs. It wouldn’t endear you to anyone, but it would definitely irritate a few.

How do we express gratitude to the people we really care about?

We call them and have an actual conversation. We invite them over, or stop by their place to see them. And when we can’t do either, we send them a card, (and no, not an eCard; but a hand-addressed, personally signed card sent with a first class postage stamp.) Naturally, these activities require thought, time, effort, and in some cases, parting with a few bucks. That’s why they resonate. And that’s precisely why sending a

one-size-fits-all

greeting means nothing to the recipient. This year you will receive dozens -- but won’t save a single holiday card that arrives to you in a machine-labeled and presorted envelop and which have no real signature or salutation, but instead have been merely imprinted with the sender's (typically a vendor or a prospective vendor) name. These simply inform you that you are still a record in a vast database. On the other hand, you’ll savor - and perhaps even keep for years - those that come from people who take a few extra minutes to sign a card with few carefully chosen words to let you know that their card was meant specifically for you. The bad news is you won't get many like that. The good news is, it won't take much to make those you send really stand out.

The lesson is simple, yet profound:

If you want your heartfelt gratitude, your sincere congratulations, and your happy well wishes to break through the noise and the clutter and actually mean something to the intended recipient, it requires your time and your thoughtful consideration. Anything less pretty much equates to spam.